So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
