I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She's the barista slut.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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