she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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