Plan B is the new Plan A
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
