Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
