I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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