Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
being pregnant is like rehab
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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