I think I am morally bankrupt
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
