we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
