I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i came on her dog
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
