Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
