If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
