the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
