dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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