Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
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I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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