So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
