I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
