One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
