just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
