No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Are we still banned from the library?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
