It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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