Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
