you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
