I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My life is pants optional.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
