"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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