My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize