Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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