I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
