This girl is more easily done than said...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
