A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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