Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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