This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
