fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
