if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i think i have two assholes
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
