I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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