Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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