He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
