Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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