i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
