The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize