The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
