Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
