I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Too much gin, very little bucket
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Found the puke drawer
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
