Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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