Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
