in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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