it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
