Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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