I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
