Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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