Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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