the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
