If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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