We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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