u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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