They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
