I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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