I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
