Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
