what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You may now shotgun with the bride
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
