Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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