i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
