Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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