I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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