READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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