if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
