do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I can't turn off my feet"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
