please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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