I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
