trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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