She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
