I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
