So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
