It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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