i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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