Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
