so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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