My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
