he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
