i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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