Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
