the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
