are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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