During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
