Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
