smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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